Monday Morning Punch

Published in: Baby Young Parents (edited version)
Published on: October 2008

Ever wonder what mom's really mean when they say something? Well, you're not alone. As a new dad, I often find it difficult to understand the intricacies of a mother's mind.
English is complex enough as it is. In his book "Crazy English," Richard Lederer gave a few examples: "There is no butter in buttermilk, no egg in eggplant, no grape in grapefruit, neither worms nor wood in wormwood, neither pine nor apple in pineapple, neither peas nor nuts in peanuts, and no ham in a hamburger." Small wonder that we English users constantly struggle to understand each other.

Momspeak takes this confusion to a new level. For example, when my wife asked me to check if our son's asleep, I replied (too quickly) "Yup," noting his eyes were closed. What she meant though, was something closer to an executive checkup: Are his toes and fingers cold/hot? Did you touch? Is he wheezing? Is his nose stuffed? Did you listen? Does he have gas because you shook his milk bottle (again) instead of swirling it (we’re not making milkshake or a cocktail, dear)?

Now I don't profess to be an expert in momspeak, but I think I've made some progress! Let's look at a number of phrases moms use that turn out to mean something very different from what we think they mean:

Mom says: It's turning blue…
She means: I'm pregnant!

Mom says: Didn't you hear him crying last night?
She means: It's your turn to get up at 2AM to change the diapers / make him milk.

Mom says: Go play with Daddy
She means: I need some time alone.

Mom says: Where's your son?
She means: Spend more time with your son.

Mom says: Go ask Daddy if it's okay
She means: No, it's not okay.

Mom says: Have you finished packing?
She means: You forgot to pack food and clothes for the baby again.

Mom says: It's your decision.
She means: The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Mom says: Your son…
She means: He did something naughty.

Mom says: My son…
She means: He did something wonderful.

Mom says: I'm hungry
She means: I've had a hard day and I need attention.

Mom says: Hey baby, are you wearing those yellow shoes with that red shirt?
She means: Daddy dressed you up again, didn't he?

Mom says: Are you watching that movie?
She means: Turn the TV off.

Mom says: I think our son's lonely.
She means: I want another baby.